


A Horn of Errors

by amidtheflowers



Series: Darcyland April Fools Challenge [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: And Other Shenanigans, April Fools Fic, Crack, F/M, Mention of sex toys, Smut, improper use of bike horns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 01:35:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10547810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amidtheflowers/pseuds/amidtheflowers
Summary: When you're over six months into a relationship, trying new things is always a fun addition. Bucky was all for that. This was a bit much, though...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooooooooooo!
> 
> This is Day 4 of the DLAF Smut Challenge: **Must Include A Bike Horn**. This fic is absolute crack and I hope you like it as much as I liked writing it :D
> 
> Big thank you to Leftennant for putting together the fragmented pieces of my mind and this prompt into formation, and helping me with this one. You're the real MVP.
> 
> Enjoy! xx

 

Darcy collapsed against the sheets, catching her breath, her body thrumming pleasantly. She felt Bucky’s lips press against her shoulder and she lazily lifted her hand to stroke through his hair.

“That was amazing,” Darcy breathed, and Bucky chuckled against her skin. “No, seriously. We just upped our own ante. I don’t think we can beat that any time soon. Like… _damn._ ”

“ _You’re_ amazing,” Bucky slowly swept his hand from her hip to her belly, trailing through the valley between her breasts and slipping his fingers up her neck. “But I think you might be right. That was…we were…”

“Amazing,” Darcy finished for Bucky, mirroring his answering smile. She bit her lip as he closed his eyes. They’d been together for nearly six months now. Bucky would say she was the best damn thing that ever happened to him, but Darcy was pretty sure it was the other way around. Bucky had fit seamlessly into her life as if he’d always belonged there alongside her. It wasn’t always peaches and roses, but at the end of it all there was Darcy and Bucky, together. And she didn’t want it any other way.

Except she did want one thing. A tiny thing she’d been wondering about, but was unsure how he’d take it. But they’d been together for a while now, shared so much of themselves that they knew the most personal things about each other that….well, maybe this was the time.

“Actually…there might be one way we could beat it. Maybe. Possibly. If you’re up for it.”

Bucky huffed with amusement against her shoulder. “When have I not been up for something regarding,” he gestured between them, “this?”

“True. Very true. Which is why I ask. Well, not ask—bring up. Bringing it up. Or Brask. I’m brasking.”

Bucky lifted his head from her shoulder to look at her curiously. Shit. She was rambling, and he knew what was coming when she was rambling. “Darce?”

Darcy exhaled unsteadily and twisted around to her right so she was facing him. “It’s nothing, honestly. And it’s totally okay if you’re not up for it. But, well…I have some things. Things we can use during, uh…sexy stuff.” Bucky continued to stare at her. “Sex toys?”

She saw the moment it clicked in Bucky’s mind. He licked his lips and nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“That’s fine, we don’t have to—wait. Okay?”

“Yep. You have some here?”

“I…” Darcy was at a loss of words. “Okay?”

Bucky grinned, shaking his head as he cupped her jaw. “Yes, doll. Really. Anything with you? I will always be up for, at the very least up for discussion. That’s not something you ever gotta be nervous about, okay?”

Darcy nodded as Bucky leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. When they pulled back, Bucky quirked a brow. “Got anything you wanna try now?”

Darcy’s lips curled into a half-grin. “I think I’ve got something you might like.”

**-**

**-**

He liked. He very _, very_ liked.

(And he liked the rest of them too.)

**-**

**-**

“Okay, I’ll be back around eight-ish? Dinner with Jane shouldn’t take much longer than that.” Darcy ran her fingers through her hair one last time before turning to Bucky and planting a sweet kiss on his lips.

“Have fun, Darce,” Bucky smiled, walking her to the door.

“I will. Oh! An order should be coming in today off Amazon. I got us a new thing.” Darcy wiggled her eyebrows.

Bucky’s face immediately slipped into a smirk, sliding his arms around Darcy’s waist. “Yeah? This a surprise I’m gonna like?” Bucky had an answer; _yes_.

Darcy seemed to have the same answer, grinning up at him. “I think so. Preeetty sure.”

“Good. I’ll be here to sign for it.”

As the hours ticked by, Bucky’s heart leapt with excitement when the delivery man came with Darcy’s package. Pulling out his phone, he sent Darcy quick text: _It came._

Three little bubbles popped up in the corner of the screen before Darcy’s text came in. _YUS! How’s it look? ;)_

Biting back a grin, Bucky pulled out a pair of scissors and eagerly cut the box open. When he pulled away the bubble wrap, Bucky set his gaze at the device in the center of the box and felt the smile slip off his face.

It was…a bike horn.

Bucky blinked. Checked around the box, but it was unmistakable. Nothing else was inside, except…a bike horn.

Bucky swallowed. The hell were they supposed to do with this? How would she…what?

Bucky didn’t understand. He also got another text from Darcy, comprised of a single wink emoji. Biting his lip, he texted back: _It’s definitely interesting. Shiny._

He must have stared at the horn for an hour, trying to figure out how that would work. Did he…? Was he supposed to…? No, surely there was some method here that was escaping him. Some newfangled shit Bucky wasn’t caught up on. Darcy knew what she was doing, and so far he’d loved every new thing they’d been trying the last few months.

Pushing down his apprehension, Bucky carefully replaced the horn inside the box and set it neatly under the coffee table. Maybe if he ignored it, no one would remember about this order and it would go away on its own…

**-**

**-**

Darcy moaned against his mouth as Bucky’s fingers twisted inside of her, his knees nudging her legs further apart until she was splayed out beneath him. Her breath caught as his thumb massaged her clit and his teeth scraped along her jaw, reaching the nape of her neck and licking her skin before sucking it between his teeth.

“Mmm…Bucky…” Darcy arched against him, her fingers gripping his arms tightly. “Baby…?”

“Hmm?” Bucky peered back to watch her mouth part when he curled his fingers inside her and gently massaged her inner flesh.

“Why don’t we…try the new toy?” Darcy kissed along his chin until she reached his lips. Bucky responded eagerly, but his mind snapped from hazy lust to mild panic. God. The bike horn. She wanted to use it now.

He didn’t even know _how_ to use it.

But damn it if Bucky wasn’t going to be the most goddamn supportive boyfriend in history.

“Of course, doll. Lemme go get it.”

Slipping off the bed, Bucky padded to the living room and reached for the box again. He stared at the bike horn for several moments, each one more confused than the last. Jesus. This was either going to be enlightening or dreadful. He wasn’t sure either of them would be worth it.

Hesitantly, Bucky returned to their room. He stared at Darcy for a while—her eyes were still closed, and she was languidly shifting her limbs on the bed in anticipation. God, how could he say no to someone as perfect, as loving, as kind and beautiful as Darcy? Bucky steeled his resolve and crawled back on the bed.

Darcy still hadn’t opened her eyes. Jesus. Should he…toot the horn? Bucky stared at the bike horn for a long moment before taking a shuddering breath and squeezing the black ball.

The noise it wheezed out was sharp and phrenic. Bucky flinched when Darcy jolted, her eyes flying open.

Did it work? Darcy looked surprised—was it a horny kind of surprise? Fuck if Bucky could tell at this point. Nothing made sense anymore. But Darcy was staring at him with her eyes wide and he thought maybe he’d done something right. Maybe it was…aural pleasure? Swallowing hard, Bucky forced a slight smile and waved the little bike horn in his hand.

Darcy, however, could not believe her eyes. What the hell was Bucky holding?? Was it—a bike horn? Why was Bucky holding a bike horn? Why was it in their bed, with them? In Bucky’s hand? Darcy flickered her gaze between the horn and Bucky, and each time it only brought her more confusion.

But Bucky seemed so nervous and Darcy’s heart fractured a bit. God, he must’ve wanted to try a new toy _he_ bought himself. And was now looking at her like a shy puppydog. She had no clue how a bike horn was supposed to work, though—was it a forties thing? Was it a Brooklyn thing? Did men in 1940s New York jack off to the sounds of bike horns and nasally trumpets?

Darcy bit her lip. It didn’t matter. Bucky wanted to try it…so she’d try it. Darcy loved Bucky more than life itself, and if he wanted to get kinky with a bicycle horn, there was no way in hell Darcy would put a stop to it.

“You, um, you like it?” Bucky finally asked. He had to ask; he had to _know_.

Darcy licked her lips, nodding a little. “Oh…yeah. Mmm. I’m—uh—I’m really…feeling it. Do that again.”

Bucky’s brow quirked and he looked down at the horn again before squeezing it. The wheezy sound filled the air again, and Bucky looked at Darcy for any sign of affirmation. He was floored when Darcy bit her lip and shifted her hips, inhaling deeply. “Yeah, that—mm. Really does it.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh, for sure.”

Bucky shifted closer to her, staring at the horn. Then slowly, haltingly, reached forward and trailed it along her arm.

Bucky cleared his throat. “That, ah…how’s that?”

Darcy was grasping at straws. “Ummmm…move it down more?”

Down more? Down _where?_ Bucky hoped Darcy had more of an idea than he did. Fuck. Bucky raked the end of the horn across her chest, circling the tip around her nipples. He considered flipping the end down so the open area suctioned over her nipple…but the visual of that was so bizarre, Bucky couldn’t get himself to try it. Not unless Darcy told him to do it.

When he moved away from her breast and Darcy didn’t say anything to stop him, he sighed inwardly with relief.

Darcy sighed gratefully. Oh thank god he didn’t try suctioning her boob. That would—god, no. But now she wondered if it would’ve felt good. Maybe it could? Darcy was starting to run out of ideas of how this was going to work, and prayed Bucky knew what he was doing.

She added a few moans here and there, spurring on his slow movements across her body. He didn’t toot the horn again but he was sliding the horn along her thigh now and Darcy was getting worried. Maybe it was an army thing? Did Steve do this with his girlfriends too?

When Bucky stared at the juncture between Darcy’s thighs, then to the horn, then back up to Darcy’s eyes, Bucky crumbled. “Darcy—doll, I’m real sorry. I don’t really understand where to go from here. I know you were looking forward to this toy but I’m a bit—I don’t want to hurt anything Darce, I just don’t know if this is supposed to go somewhere or if it’s the touch or the sound—”

Darcy’s eyes widened as Bucky’s fervent words registered in her mind. “Oh my god.”

Bucky’s face crumpled. “I’m _so_ sorry, Darce, here—let me try again—” Bucky honked the horn, and Darcy quickly stilled his hand while shaking her head adamantly.

“No, no—You didn’t buy this. Right?”

Bucky knitted his brows in confusion. “No, of course not.”

Relief washed over Darcy and she sat up quickly, throwing her arms around him. “Thank god! I have no idea what I would’ve done if this kept going!”

Bucky frowned. “Wait…you didn’t order this? Isn’t this what you bought from Amazon?”

“I ordered a sex toy, Bucky, not a bike horn. They must’ve mixed up my order and sent this instead.” Darcy’s eyes grew big. “We both thought the other bought this bike horn and we were _both_ trying to be nice and get off from it?” Darcy started laughing, collapsing against the bed as Bucky rolled his eyes.

“How was I supposed to know! I thought it was some new age sexy shit, I wasn’t about to put you off because of me not understanding.” He grinned as he laid out next to Darcy, and she turned to him.

“Aww hon, you’re so sweet. You would’ve done the sexythings with this bike horn for me. Tell me, though, if this kept going would you really have shoved that thing inside me?”

Bucky shuddered, making Darcy laugh again. “Hey, wasn’t just me. I recall someone here making breathy moans for this bike horn.”

“Please. Those were sympathy moans. No part of my body was getting turned on by that hunk of plastic.”

“Hmm…how about a hunk of metal?” Bucky slid his left hand up Darcy’s thigh before sliding his fingers along her folds. “Think you can manage that?”

“Manage?” Darcy pulled Bucky closer, brushing her lips against his. “I do it with _enthusiasm_.”

Bucky tossed the bike horn behind him and quickly rolled on top of Darcy, their laughter mingling in the air.

**-**

**-**

Thor happily tore into the small delivery box, pink and purple elbow pads strapped to his arms and a green helmet sitting atop his head. “It has arrived, Jane! Come, look.”

Thor picked up the long, phallic contraption with a puzzled look. Jane sidled next to him as he held it up for her.

“This is an oddly-shaped bicycle horn.”

The strange contraption was ripped from his fingers as Jane clutched it behind her, her face pinkening. “That is _not_ a bike horn.” 

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone who wants to see the bike horn, [this](https://www.amazon.com/XLC-Bugle-Chrome-Plated-Black/dp/B0030KXGH6/ref=zg_bs_6389521011_10?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=24X2GVFWNW94FKKWHB07) is the one I used for this fic. And it's on Amazon too. :)


End file.
